The Germans:Beyond Beer And Bratwursts - Part II, by Michael Hxson

Installment 1 of the positive aspects of life in Germany:

FOOD AND DRINK

Bread:

Germany has the best bread in the entire world. Hands down. In fact, if you go to the crappiest chain bakery here, odds are that the bread there will be 100% better than anything comparable in the U.S. Going into a bakery is awesome here! So awesome I want to wet my pants sometimes. On every shelf are probably 10 different types of breads, some with sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, rye, pretzels, pretzel bread, sweet breads, sour breads, etc. etc. I have become a bread snob by living here.

Cheese:

Germany, while in my view not having the best cheese in the world, is certainly surrounded by the best cheese in the world and therefore you are able to buy awesome tasting cheese (that would also make you want to wet your pants… should I stop this metaphor? Yeah, probably). Plus, the price for cheese and bread is relatively cheap. It’s like practically everyone here can live like a yuppie in the U.S. on the cheap. I have also become a cheese snob.

Sausage:

Germany has the best sausage in the world. ‘nuff said. And so many variations that you lose count. Sausage snob? Yes, I am also now a snausage snob.

By the way, with all of this super-rich food, are the Germans total fat asses? No. You don’t see many "fat" people here like you see in the U.S. Overly obese people are one of the first things that strike me when I return to the U.S. I think it’s because many people live with moderation here, and the fact that "fast food" is not a centerpiece of most people’s diets (however, in the age of globalization, this is changing; kids’ waistlines are expanding, more processed food is entering the diet…). Most people do not "eat out" here. Going out to a restaurant is generally for a special occasion. Perhaps that’s the reason… or maybe zey jus vant to pump up! No, seriously. Fat people are all but ostracized here. People will stare at an obese person as though he or she was some sort of circus freak.

Beer:

Now:… probably the best in this category has to be…. Ta ta!!! BEER. Germans, only second to the Czechs, consume the most beer per person in the world (per capita consumption is 127 liters/year). And there’s a reason – it’s so freakin’ good!

What is very refreshing here is that almost every town has its own brewery (which makes for hundreds if not thousands of local breweries throughout the country…. (I still have so much more to sample…). What is also really cool about the "beer culture" is that Biergartens are a good place to sample the local flavor and get a decent meal and chill out in the fresh air.

I remember I went to one brewery (Gaststätte) in Bamberg, Franconia (Franken) which produces Schlenkerla Bier (http://www.schlenkerla.de/indexe.html). It tastes like drinking liquid ham, is kind of like a Guiness and is mmmmmmm… good.

Another cool thing about the beer culture here is that, outside of (in my personal opinion) the cheesiness and Americanization of Oktoberfest (I went one time and as I left to take the train back to Stuttgart, I heard this slightly southern drawl "Billy, I is sooooo wasted!!! Wooo Hoooo!!!!), there are really awesome regional Bierfests all over Germany.

My favorite is the so-called Anna Fest. It is also in Franconia, in the town of Forchheim (Mike, this is where your beer Krug is from --- notice that I didn’t say "Bier Stein", why? Because the word "Beer Stein" doesn’t really exist in German. Strange, huh? Actually you can say "Steinkrug.")

The Anna Fest rocks! It is located in a small wooded area with a large hill in the middle. Think: Hobbits, the Shire. There are basically holes or tunnels dug into the side of the hill by the different local breweries dating back to the 1700’s. The beer is kept in these hole/cellars and stays cool. It is brought out in kegs (Fass) for the Fest. Just an entirely relaxing and fun experience (http://www.anna-fest.de).

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, beer. Beer and sausages. Or… what about Wheat beer, sausages and fat pretzels? What about eating and drinking all three starting at 10:30 or 11:00 a.m.? Sound fun? Ask a Bavarian at about 2:00 p.m. (by the way, it’s considered mega faux pas to order "Weissbier und Weisswurst" or "wheat beer and white sausages" after 12:00. People will look at you strangely.) Cartman from Southpark would love it here.

Another cool thing about beer and other alcohol is that you can drink anywhere you want. Anywhere. And have an open bottle on the street, in your car, wherever (although it looks a little bit like white trash). I would always attempt to hide my beer when I was in public or in a car, and people would just laugh at me and call me the "repressed American."

Wine:

Wine in the Rheinland Pfalz and Franken is pretty good. The rest of German wine leaves a bit to be desired. There is this winefest here in Baden-Württemberg called "neue-Wein und Zweibelküchen" – new wine and onion cake. Its basically early wine, which tastes very sugary and sweet and an onion cake/pizza-esque thing which is also quite good. Most people who are new to the fest underestimate the power of the new wine and end up paying the piper the next morning in the form of a horrendous headache and onion-smelling skin.

Schnapps:

When I was in the US I thought that Jägermeister was the bomb. Oh was I wrong. Jägermeister is pretty run of the mill, mass produced swill here. Germans "burn" schnapps in small batches here and you can have pear, peach, cherry, etc. My favorite is Williams-Christ Pear ("Birne") schnapps. The Germans call it "Willie." Buy a bottle if you can find it.

A note about eating and drinking: Germans at every meal, or every time they order a drink, say either "Zum Voll" or "Prost" (Cheers) or "Guten Appetit" or "Lasst Euch Schmecken" (Bon Appetit or Enjoy your meal). Germans do this at EVERY eating opportunity and even when they are out at bars, for EVERY beer. Was a bit annoying at first, but now it is second nature. Actually, I think it’s a good thing because its one of those little rituals that Americans have lost in favor of speed and due to a lack of time. Eating and drinking here is about taking your time and enjoying the meal or drink. We Americans need to re-learn that.

Organic Food:

Germans are SUPER DUPER EXTREME TO THE POINT OF MANIA environmentally conscious. Organic ("Bio" for "Biologisch") food is very widespread here. I personally think it’s a fad, but Germans are really in to it and it cuts across all income groups. Germans are very suspicious of and against genetic manipulated foods and crops (in fact, its illegal).

Bottom line – food and drink here on the whole is of a higher quality because people don’t want their food to be mass produced or processed. There is also a tradition of beer making, bread making, cheese making, etc. that ensures a high level of quality. The U.S. is getting back to quality foods and drink again (note: the beer revolution of micro-brews in the last 15 years, "organic grocery stores" and old style butcher shops. It just needs to be tailored to a wider income group.

Comments

[Mike Horner]

Speaking of German music, Ashley downloaded an interesting selection of German music lately on her Ipod. It is right up your alley Mike - you would love it. I think the name of the song is "Don't be Shy". I'll see if I can get an unprotected version that I can post on this site. Comic Gold!

[Hixson]

Actually, here is proof of the sucky music from a run of the mill state owned station, notice the heavy 80'S influence (ok, Mellow Yellow is cool...). At the end is "What is love?" That'S that really crappy "What is love,. baby don't hurt me...." Germans love that song. And the "I've got the power" song as well. They also LOVE the Pet Shop Boys, the song "Eye of the Tiger" is on like, every 20 seconds... I mean, to hear this stuff once in a while, you think, hey, cool, blast from the past. Or, "hey what an obscure 80's song... I've only heard that once... and it was in 1985." Well, here, my friends, it is reality.

10.41
Don't say it's love
Johnny Hates Jazz
10.35
Bad moon rising
Creedence Clearwater Revival
10.32
Canzone
Dalla, Lucio
10.26
You took the words right out of my mouth
Meat Loaf
10.19
That's the way (I like it)
KC & The Sunshine Band
10.15
Mrs. Robinson
Simon & Garfunkel
10.08
The same moon
Collins, Phil
10.05
Good tradition
Tikaram, Tanita
05.00 - 10.00:

Guten Morgen Baden-Württemberg

09.53
Mellow yellow
Donovan
09.50
What is love
Jones, Howard

[Hixson]

Oh yes, Germans love them some David Hasselhoff. But apparently his popularity has waned somewhat, from absolute cult figure in the 80's and early 90's to middle-aged swooner now....

Baywatch features very prominently in German TV. Actually, a lot of TV shows I haven't seen in ages seem to be in vogue.

For example, I'll turn on the TV, and besides seeing the terrible German-made programs (e.g., Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten "Good Times Bad Times" or Deutschland Sucht ein Superstar "Germany searches for a Superstar -- the German American Idol... Gemany has all of the iterations of U.S. programming BTW) I'll see classsics from´... the 80's!!!! Germany is stuck in 1980's US culture (explaining a lot about what is considered "cool" here). For exqample, The A Team, McGuyver, Full House (wretch!) are still going strong.

Its either that the TV channels are too cheap to pay for current programming or that the market is not as developed. I have yet to find out what lies at the heart of this dearth of TV (and radio) choice and variety -- basically crappy TV and Radio. I guess its related to my initial blog -- Socialism. That's what you get with socialism -- Bad TV and LOTS of the 'Hoff!

[Former team manager for the Fother Muckers]

When, oh when will we get to the thing that everyone is curious about?

The German fascination with the "Singer"/Actor: David Hasselhoff.