Moon Over My Hammy

How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?

22

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Wall Street Journal Attacks Plaintiff Trial Lawyers

An article in today's Wall Street Journal takes aim at plaintiff's trial lawyers, arguing that evil, greedy trial lawyers buy access to local officials by donatiing to their campaign.  While that may be true, it is interesting that, once again, the evil trial lawyers are made out to be the boogey man responsible for society's ills.  I am curious as to why the Wall Street Journal didn't similarly talk about corporate donations to political campaigns.  Because if they had, I think they would find that corporate political donations dwarf those of plaintiff's lawyers, probably by 100 to 1.

These attacks are insiduous, and they taint jury pools, which is one of the main points of articles like these.  Thanks to "exposes" like this, I am branded a liar the minute I stand up in front of the jury, and it is an up-hill process just to establish a baseline of credibility.

Things For Which I Am Thankful

1. The ability to construct a sentence without a dangling participle.

2. A beautiful, amazing, healthy child.

3. Beer.

4. Gravity.

5. The ability to out fox those who would do me harm.

6. Fists of steel.

7. The love of a good wife.

8. My daughter's school which costs more per month than my house.

9.   Fresh breath.

10. A keen eye for style.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Balloon Boy Lolz

Chuck Norris Is Tough, But Not THAT Tough

The following people are at least as tough as Chuck Norris, if not tougher:

1.    Steve McQueen

2.    Bruce Lee

3.    Steve McNair (RIP)

4.    John Wayne

5.    Steven Segal

6.    Brian Urlacher

7.    Clint Eastwood

The Following Things Are Underrated

1.    Thanksgiving

2.    Old people

3.    Fall (the season)

4.    Tom Cruise

5.    The United States military

6.    Green Day

7.    Free hot breakfast at a hotel

8.    Spicy smoked Italian meats

9.    Nissan

10.    The NBA

The Following Things Are Overrated

1.    Bacon

2.    Summer

3.    St. Patrick's Day

4.    The home run derby

5.    The Who

6.    Florida

7.    fantasy sports

8.    Trendy grocery stores like Fresh Market or Whole Foods

9.    Stainless steel apliances

10.    Pirates

Why All The Hate For Jared?

People always tell me how sick they are of that "Jared guy from Subway," and how they wish he would just go away.  I don't understand this.  I can't think of a more harmless, humble and unassuming guy on TV.  What about Jared could possibly inspire such hatred and vitrol in people.  His commercials are even lowkey, and he is not on TV that often.

Jared is kind of a great American story, if you think about it.  This guy goes from being a fat dork to a total millionaire pimping Subway sandwiches.  People say they are tired of him, but that is what makes the story so great.  He took what should have been 15 minutes of fame and made a career out of it.  Good for him.

I say, play on, playa'.

I Must Say, I like George W. Bush A Whole Lot Better, Now That . . .

. . . he's not screwing up the country.  Actually seems like a pretty cool guy.  I bet it won't be long before he and Clinton start meeting up for a few beers and a joint, while they both laugh about Jimmy Carter.  Course, the party will be over once Papa Bush starts nosing around:

Papa Bush:  "what is all that carrying on down there?  Do I smell marijuana?"

W:  (whispering) "Oh shit Bill, it's my dad.  Put that thing out."  (normal voice) "Nothing dad, just playing cards and smoking cigars, that's all." (lights cigar)

Papa Bush:  "I thought I smelled marijuana.  I better not catch you boys doing that stuff."

Barb:  "Now George, leave the boys alone.  They're just having some fun down there.  A boy needs his privacy.  Boys, do you need some snacks down there."

Bill:  (giggles) "Sure Mrs. Bush, that would be swell.  Maybe some of those pepperoni bagle bites, if you have any."

Barb:  "Sure Bill.  George, you need anything?  (to Papa Bush)  He's such a nice boy - handsome, too."

Papa Bush:  (grumbling) "He's a good-for-nothing punk is what he is."

I Don't Want To "Shoo Them Away," I Want Them To Die

Just saw this product called "Spider Away" advertised on facebook.  Normally I would be in favor of anything that makes spiders go away, but this product lists as its most important feature the fact that it "shoos spiders away without harming them."  And it has a picture of what I guess is an attempt at a "cute" looking spider.  Of course, every person with a soul knows there is no such thing as a cute spider.  They are all ugly, gross and evil.

Sorry guys, but if a spider comes in my house, that spider is going to die.  I have a very bright line rule in the Horner household.  I don't seek out spiders to do them harm, but if even one of their 8 creepy ass legs steps foot inside my house that mother f###er is dead.